Couples with Money Problems
Balance Spending and Saving to Ease Financial Stress
Each person has unique financial habits. Some save more money than they spend, while some spend more money than they save. When two savers join together as a couple they can easily create financial success. But if one or both partners spends more money than they save, financial stress can arise.
The first step to resolve money problems is to clearly identify the current financial reality, including each partner's spending habits and underlying motives.
Uncover Money Problems in a Relationship
It can be daunting yet liberating to take a detailed look at the current financial picture. Until money problems have been clearly identified, it's difficult to resolve them. Explore the following questions as a way to get started towards easing financial stress.
- Money reality check – What percentage of money goes to the following each month: household bills including rent or mortgage and utilities; groceries; health care; household maintenance; vehicle or travel expenses; clothing and accessories; entertainment; savings; personal spending; and other expenses such as travel, donations, education, hobbies? Break it down to get an overview of current spending habits.
- Asset to debt ratio – What are the total assets as a couple – include cars, mortgage and anything sellable. How much debt do you share – include mortgages, lines of credit, credit card balances. Have debts increased or decreased in the past year?
- Money management – How are financial decisions made? Who takes responsibility for making sure the bills get paid? Is there a financial plan for paying off any debts? Is there a savings or retirement plan?
Balance Spending and Saving
It takes self awareness for a person to identify money problems by looking at their spending habits and the hidden motives that drive those habits. It then takes courage to share these insights with a partner. Reflect upon these questions and then discuss them as a couple in a non-blaming, accepting atmosphere.
- Spending or saving? – Which partner is a spender and which one is a saver? Does one partner overcompensate for the other? For example, if one partner goes on a spending spree, does the other begin to hoard? Or as savings begin to accrue, does one partner suddenly rack up the credit card?
- What motivates spending? – For the partner that tends to over spend, what motivates this? Is there an underlying message that if the money isn't spent now, it will be gone and you won't get what you want? Does it feel uncomfortable to have money sitting in your wallet or bank account? Explore your money beliefs as a first step in moving towards financial success.
- What motivates saving? – For the partner who likes to save, is it in a balanced way? Can you spend on yourself and save at the same time? If you have difficulty spending on yourself and you tend to hoard, notice the feelings that are triggered by spending? Where do these originate? Look for any irrational beliefs and if you are prone to financial worry explore healthy ways to stop worrying.
As each partner uncovers his or her financial habits and explores the underlying motives for these, they begin to liberate themselves from unconscious behaviors. They are then free to make new choices. If couples share this information with each other in a loving and accepting atmosphere, they grow closer and move towards financial success as a team.
To take the next step towards creating financial success, read about money management for couples.
Money Problems Can Cause Relationship Problems
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