Overcoming Perfectionism, The Pursuit of Perfect
The Perfectionist Compulsively Seeks Perfection from Fear of Failure
May 5, 2009
Positive psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar's latest book, The Pursuit of Perfect, offers help for the perfectionist who is compulsively driven to achieve, but recognizes overcoming perfectionism will bring greater happiness.
The Pursuit of Perfect follows Ben-Shahar's previous book, Happier. As with Happier, Ben-Shahar includes many of his personal experiences seeking happiness and overcoming perfectionism.
Ben-Shahar's research indicates a major obstacle to happiness is the pursuit of perfection, noting that the perfectionist:
- Rejects failure, refusing to accept anything short of total goal achievement. When obstacles and failures do occur, the perfectionist becomes frustrated and has difficulty coping.
- Rejects painful emotions, because happiness is the perfectionist's goal and negative emotions fall short of the perfection of total happiness.
- Rejects success. Ironically, the pursuit of perfection allows little opportunity to savor success, driving the perfectionist to immediately set new and more challenging goals.
Fear of Failure
Perfectionism refuses to recognize a positive side to failure. For a perfectionist, the only acceptable end to the pursuit of a goal is absolute success.
Perfectionists ignore the numerous failures of great achievers such as Thomas Edison, Babe Ruth, and Abraham Lincoln.
Elbert Hubbard sums up the fear of failure when he says, "The greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making one."
Overcoming Perfectionism
Ben-Shahar coins the term optimalist to define a healthier alternative to perfectionism. Though sharing the perfectionist's characteristics of striving for success, aiming for challenging goals, and expecting excellent results, the optimalist has a more realistic view of failure, painful emotions, and success.
Whereas the perfectionist obsessively demands self-perfection, the optimalist acknowledges that humans are not perfect. The optimalist recognizes the learning opportunities of failures. While a perfectionist expects the path to achievement to be linear and immediate, the optimalist accepts that the path to success is often non-linear, with setbacks, obstacles to overcome, and even mid-path changes in direction.
Overcoming Fear of Failure
Failure is intimately linked with success. Personal and professional growth requires continuous learning and growing.
People learn from failures. Some of history's most successful people have demonstrated the value of failure.
Thomas Edison registered more than one-thousand U.S. patents and is acknowledged as one of the most prolific inventors. Yet Edison's first ten-thousand attempts to invent a viable light bulb failed.
Learn from Failure
Psychologists Shelley Carson and Ellen Langer recommend keeping a journal about failure.
They find that the process of reflecting on failures from the standpoint of what was learned helps people accept themselves and recognize that failures are useful opportunities for learning and growing.
Who is Tal Ben-Shahar?
Tal Ben-Shahar is an author and Harvard University lecturer. His positive psychology course is the largest, most popular class at Harvard.
Ben-Shahar's research into happiness and overcoming perfectionism stems from his own struggles.
A high achieving athlete, Ben-Shahar was driven to compete and excel. Despite winning the U.S. Intercollegiate and Israeli National squash championships, Ben-Shahar found little satisfaction and happiness from his achievements, which led him into the study of psychology.
Related Reading
Readers may also enjoy How to Cheer Up and Help from Positive Psychology.
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