Let’s face it; we’re all enamored with someone whose speech is effective, flowing, and captivating. It makes listening so much easier. But even the savviest of speakers can flub every once in a while.
Engaging in casual conversation for business or for pleasure can help ease the tension of being the center of attention. But some people just aren’t comfortable when it comes to talking. Learning a few simple techniques and strategies will help keep the conversation flowing.
Interrupting
Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, DC, says “Interrupting can be just as much about showing the other person that we’re paying attention as it is about trying to take the floor.” She recommends figuring out why you’re interrupting and if the interruption is welcome. Watch for facial expressions as you open your mouth to share your thoughts. The speakers slowing down or stopping to talk altogether is a good sign that it’s ok for you to interject your thoughts.
Apologizing Before Speaking
“This might be a dumb question but,”… We’ve all probably prefaced a question with that phrase at one time or another. In some ways, the apology gives us permission to be removed from what we’re saying if it’s not well received.
“Rather than trying to please people by qualifying your thoughts and questions, pay close attention to how they’re speaking, then focus on molding your conversation to theirs,” notes Tannen. With this, you’ll feel more confident in your participation.
Using Speech Tics Like Er and Um
We say things like um, ah, you know, like, and sort of in a subconscious effort to plan what we’re going to say next, to keep the floor, and of course, to fill silent spaces. One way to stop adding tics to your sentence is to slow down when speaking. Allow your brain time to plan ahead while you’re yet talking.
Saying “Exactly” or “I Totally Agree”
These affirmations are called check phrases and often convey interest. But, they can also dilute your impact and project a lack of confidence or point of view. Simply nod your head in agreement when something strikes you as interesting. According to research by Judee Burgoon, a professor of communication at the University of Arizona, Tucson, “Sixty to sixty-five percent of a conversation is interpreted from nonverbal cues, so gestures will get your point across better.
Swearing
George Carlin pointed out the seven words you can’t say on TV back in the 1970s. But most folks have gone on to ignore his advice and that of the FCC with curse words flying left and right in movies, videos and TV programming. It’s even caught on in casual conversations but using such language can easily offend and generate a lack of respect. Swearing is used to convey emotions. Express real feelings in a real sentence to relieve that sense of frustration or anger.
Grasping for Words Mid-Sentence
Call it perfectionism or simply talking too fast, but either way, you’re bound to grasp for words or lose your place in mid-sentence when you’re always searching for a better word. The hesitation in speech is what calls greater attention in those moments. Admit you’ve lost your place and keep the collaboration going without filling spaces. Start by saying something like, “What I meant to say is…” or “Getting back to my point…”
Finishing Others’ Sentences
Completing someone else’s thought might give the impression you’re so into the conversation and you simply can’t help yourself. But doing it over and over again can indicate impatience. You might as well say, “Get to the point.”
“When you find yourself continually speaking for somebody, count to seven before opening your mouth,” Tannen says. Refer back to using non-verbal clues as to your participation and interest in the subject matter.
Letting Your Pitch Rise at the End of Sentences
This isn’t an issue for toddlers leaning how to make sentences. Often, this happens, even to adults, when we’re trying to assure ourselves that our listeners are agreeing with us. Instead of meeting that objective, we end up sounding unsure. One certain fix is to multi-task with your voice and body, which will force you to slow down and concentrate more on what you’re saying and the way you’re saying it.
Silence is golden but flowing speech can also create beautiful personal and professional memories.
