The Negative Impact Assumptions Cause
Speculating on a Person's Intentions Can Have Serious Consequences
Jul 9, 2009
Presuming knowledge of a person's intent is a guaranteed way to misunderstand the situation and possibly ruin the relationship with that individual. When assumptions are made it is an act of judgment towards another person that in a sense also takes him or her and the relationship for granted.
Judging others without being positive about their reasons for doing something is never a good idea as it almost always causes problems in the long run.
Why Do People Make Assumptions?
Most people make assumptions based on the need or desire to understand another person's rationale for doing something or acting a certain way. As the struggle to understand "why?" goes on, assumptions are made to paint the picture and clarify things.
Human beings have a natural tendency to create logic out of an apparently unclear set of circumstances and they often want to understand why people do the things they do. In general, people particularly tend to make assumptions during the times when actions seem to cause trouble or anguish. Plain curiosity also plays a role as everyone wants to understand the reason behind a deed that caused such a commotion or stir.
These notions are typically brought about based on the assuming individual's own life experiences and almost always do not reflect the true intent. After all, no one is able step inside another's mind to positively know why a specific choice was made. However, people like to think that they do in fact have all the information they need to create an explanation.
In an attempt to rationalize the situation or bring light to it people often assume the reasoning that seems to make the most sense given what is known about the circumstances. The assumed intent may seem like the most probable one based on the person's previous actions and past behaviors which seem to further enforce the assessment. Often, people see what they want to see or make connections where there are none, all in an effort to make the assumption seem more probable. With these beliefs comes the possibility of false negative opinions and further perceptions that may wind up ruining the relationship or bringing about bad consequences.
The Repercussions of Making Assumptions
Incorrect assumptions about motivations behind a person's behavior can have a negative effect on the relationship with the individual. When the assumptions prove to be wrong it is often far too late to go back and fix the ruined relationship. Sometimes, years may pass before the real reasons for one's actions are communicated and by that time there is usually a sense of regret and guilt that adds more strain on the bond between the two people.
On occasion the connection may even be severed permanently. Extenuating circumstances were overlooked and previously unknown yet relevant details were motivating the person all along but at the time it was not taken into consideration by the person making the assumptions. Instead, judgments were made that actually wind up leading to a collapse in the relationship.
There are also repercussions to making assumptions with strangers or acquaintances. Many people think that they know why everyone does everything, from the local politicians to the cashier at the drugstore. This type of assumption causes the mind to stay closed tightly, filled with unnecessary judgments and harsh criticisms. For example, when people assume that an disruptive child throwing a tantrum in the supermarket is undisciplined and the mother is a poor parent, they are overlooking the possibility that the child may have an underlying disability such as Attention Deficit Disorder or Autism.
How to Stop Assuming
By learning how to not make assumptions the chances of causing problems or false judgments significantly decreases. If there is nothing left to wonder about then there is nothing left to assume. Therefore the best solution in a situation that prompts assumption is to eliminate it the only way possible - ask the person about their intent or motivation.
Sometimes it can be uncomfortable or awkward to ask a person why they have made the choice they did, but the best way to stop assuming is to speak directly to the individual.
To ask someone about their intent:
- Be clear about the reason for the questions. Let him or her know that you are trying to avoid making any assumptions and that there is a need to understand them.
- Repeat the information back to the person so as to reiterate an understanding of the explanation. In other words, make them aware of this understanding. They will likely be happy for the lack of judgment.
- Apologize to the person if necessary. If prior judgments were made that were incorrectly based on assumptions make certain to express regret.
Another way to stop passing judgment is to try to step into the other person's shoes. If the assuming person can see things from the other point of view it can help to broaden the mind and limit the possibility of making harsh judgments and assumptions.
Readers may also enjoy Change Your Life By Changing Your Words and The Power of Sacrifice.
Sources:
- SelfGrowth.com, The Online Self Improvement Encyclopedia
- Cooper, Terry, Making Judgments Without Being Judgmental: Nurturing a Clear Mind and a Generous Heart (Illinois, 2006).
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