The Pros and Cons of Complaining
Limit Complaints to Preserve Relationships and Mental Health
Aug 24, 2008
In recent years, consumers have purchased numerous products to rid themselves of the habit of complaining. The expression of displeasure can be somewhat exhausting to both the person who spews out one complaint after another and the unfortunate soul that receives a constant barrage of such negative thinking. While it makes sense that excessive complaining can do more harm than good and every effort should be made to tame the unhappy beast that lies within, to overlook the positive aspects of complaining is to deny the benefits of making the source of one’s pain or grief known. That said, a complaint is a normal response that can be helpful if it stays within reasonable boundaries.
Excessive Complaining Can Lead to Mental Health Issues and Stress
In Melissa Dahl’s August 13, 2007 MSNBC article, “Quit complaining – it may make you feel worse” Amanda Rose, a published author in developmental psychology, shared the outcome of her study on teen girls who frequently vent. Rose found that such obsessive behavior can lead to depression and anxiety in teen girls and may produce the same outcome in adult women. Rose indicated that a continued discussion of a problem reinforces fears and can create new ones. Along these same lines, Dahl also reported that psychologists caution against complaining excessively to the same person as it can take a toll on the relationship and drain the energy out of the person who listens to it.
In the book, The No Complaining Rule, Jon Gordon points out that a group of positive psychology researchers have found that focusing on the negative is an innate habit for human beings. However, negative thinking can increase stress levels and potentially cause other undesirable effects if it becomes a practice. Because negative thinking is a habit that forms naturally in most people, it takes a conscious effort to overcome it.
Limit the Time Spent Complaining and Seek Resolutions to Find a Positive Outcome
It seems that complaining takes on a negative connotation when it is excessive and nonproductive. During an interview on the Today Show, Pastor Will Bowen, the author of A Complaint Free World, noted that most people have a problem with complaining when it becomes negative. In response to a question regarding the belief that complaining is a natural way of coping and that it can help people relieve both stress and anxiety, Bowen replied that a complaint becomes negative when a person complains to someone other than the person who is upsetting the individual or someone who can help rectify the situation.
In Dahl’s article, marriage and family counselor Annette Annechild suggested giving a person 15 minutes to vent and then moving the conversation toward problem solving.
When an individual is careful to keep complaining within reasonable boundaries the outcome is more positive. Rose indicated that teen girls felt closer to a friend after venting. A bond emerges when the listener realizes the person trusts the individual enough to share openly about an upsetting issue. In turn, the person voicing the complaint also gains an appreciation for the individual who is willing to listen. Again, venting only becomes an issue when it is excessive.
In conclusion, the outcome of a complaint depends on the amount of time an individual spends complaining and if that person takes steps to resolve this issue.
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